i kno

sorry dudes n dudettes i ben doin sum i guess u can say soul searching? As u all kno i am unemployed at the time so i have ben on my grind hard as hell tryin 2 find a job......but all i have r intervies n we have decided to go with a more qualified person. Ok so enough with the sadness right.....lets c......ok this 1 guy that i like is kinda irking me bc i feel like he aint puttin n no work.......but wen he do i like him even more but i guess i have 2 leave him alone huh....lol....i have a few other potentials so im good....right now im chillin...im more concerned with gettin my life 2gether n straight then a man lol......once i get my car bakk n get a job n start school bakk then i can start talking bout love again.....but as 4 right now luv dnt live here. I will say this though one of my friends gave me very strong words......trying 2 b happy is complicated.....now i kno 2 sum of yall thats like wats so great about that but 2 me i feel like that describes me so well bc im such a complex person n wen ppl ask me "jakia wat r u looking for?" i dnt like 2 say a bf or a man i like 2 say a friend...bc honestly thats wat i want. A person that i can confide n and trust. a person that is willing 2b there for me as much as i am there 4 them. but its complicated bc i want a relationship but not really. i guess i want 2 ease n2 things u kno. i want 2b friends with some1 n then mayb let it grow n2 something more then that. i jus feel like happiness is so coplicated...bc u can b happy wit one aspect of ur life n not others. at one time i was happy that i was n school, had a job, a car, my daughter but then i wasnt happy with my luv life........u c how it go? its a crazy world out there n its full of crazy ppl n i am one of them lol. yessir i am a crazy, weird, nerd, dork, n everything else but i love it n i kno 1day i will b happy with ALL aspects of my life...........sometimes i feel like wen i get 2 where im going its goin 2 b crazy like so beautifully awesome that i wont b able 2 contain myself. i feel like i will soon b overjoyed n overflowing with positivity n it wont b ne more reckless behavior...i feel like soon i wont have to act like a bitch bc i wont have 2........bc bitchz wont cum 2 me sideways lol......i feel like who eva imma b with wil cherish me the way i cherish them.....that right there is a beautiful thing......i kno ONE day i will b able 2 look n my other halfs eyes n kno that they r honest,n loyal, caring, n everything i ever asked for 1.........he will make up for the heartache n pain i felt wen i was wit jermaine he will luv my daughter as if she was his own........lol....i get hype thinkin about bc i feel like happiness is around the corner....no matter how complex it mayb it is soon 2 cum lol n wen it does come, it may not come all at once, but thats fine. I will accept every piece of happiness n in the end i will have all the piecec i need 2 create a wondeful story for my life..........huuuuuuh!