N i wonder.....

No matter how hard i try i cant get outta of this thing im n. Ok so i kno i been sayin im ready 4 the nxt person 2 cum n2 my life but it seem like he not gon cum. Ok yea i kinda talk 2 ppl, but not really. Like i text ppl frm time 2 time. They act like they r tryin 3 get personal n shit but it nvr make it past textin. so im thinking 2 myself, is itme? am i pushing these ppl away bc deep dwn nside i have my luv locked dwn 4 some1 else n im waitin or him. I really, really hope this not the case. i dnt wanna wait 4 him no more, but it seem like the harder i try 2 not think of him n move on the harder it is 4 me 2 even meet somebody. N then most men that approach me 2day r interested n casual sex n that is a no no 4 me. I am not a person who casually has sex with a person i kno. I mean i have tried 2 convince n tell myself that the nxt time i do have sex it will b with a person that i am n a relationship with. i mean a rela relationship. Some1 that i call my man, my mister, my bf, wat eva i will b callin him. That will b the person i will b givin the cookies 2, but i mean if no 1 wants 2 take that position then does that mean i will b waitin another 6months b4 i have sex? b4 i fall n luv? I jus wonder wen its gonna b sometimes. i mean i have ben single 4 almost 3 yrs now, lol yup 2 n 1/2 u might as well say. How long do i have 2 wait 2 find someine special. No one klnows how hard this is...no one...bc no one has gone through the shit i have gone through...smh...jus another day n my life i guess~

not lookin

They say that if you want 2 find a significant other that u must not look 4 1, that u r suppose 2 keep urself busy. THIS is very hard 2 do. I must admit that yes I am looking, but i must admit that this is a hard thing 2 do. I mean 4 one I am a picky individual. I have even ben told that i am high maitenince. I do not agree. I just really believen chivlry n that a man is suppose 2 pick u up n pay 4 shit. I believe n the whole open the doors and all that good stuff. I mean im not a gold digger bc I dnt want u payin 4 me 2 live but if we go on a date y cant u pay 10 for a damn movie ticket? but yea ne way I am picky. I do not give everyone my number bc if u look crazy u probably r lol. N then if i do give u my number n u gotta b careful wat u say boo bc im the type of bitch that will cut u off 4 sayin 1 wrong thing. I kno thats crazy but i am a psychology major n i feel that i analyze ppl n if u do not pass the analysis then u r not the 1 for me! But on the other hand I do want somebody 2 fill this void I have. I want some1 i can introduce 2 the fam n the cheetah girls n someone i can laugh with n talk 2. SOmeone I can introduce my daughter 2 n go on dates n make me as hapy as i make them. A prince charming, n no they do not have 2 b perfect bc NO ONE n this world is perfect but mayb they can b the perfect person 4 me.........mayb God created them jus 4 me, n me jus 4 them. Maybe we were meant 2 b 2gether! Iono i jus feel a certian kinda way about the ppl that I meet n that do try 2 take it there with me. I feel like 95 percent of guys lie or cheat n there is only that small 5 percent that dnt, but of that 5 percent 3 percent are taken. So that leaves us single girls with a small 2 percent, then u have 2 think about it there is a biger percent of girls n this world then there r guys......so u c y i have given up on luv? See y i say imma b single 4eva? Its bc i only have a small 2 percent of the male speices 2 compete for n me i am not 1 to compete. Dnt get it twisted wen i do go out i do look fly, but im not the girl thats gonna cum up 2 u n b like "i saw u lookin at me frm across the rm." N y do u ask do i not do that bc again i believe n chivlry n if a guy thinks im attractive n steps 2 me correct guess wat? he will walk away with a name n seven digits lol.
I just think that i will b wasting my time if i approach a guy, its weird 2 me. I can c u everyday doing the same thing n feel like u r the best lookin nigga i have ever seen. u can give me the cum hither look n guess wat i will smile at u n talk about u 2 my friends but I WILL not cum hother n ask 4 ur number. Mayb it stems frm me being shy? iono but the only person Ihave EVER approached n my life was the father of my child n u see eventually that did not work out. So i figure that maybe me approachin a man is not a good look! lol yea but ne way outtie lol

luv is soooo very funny

I wonder how does it feel 2 literally break someones heart? How do you feel in the end wen u get off the phone with the person you have dated for more then a yr n tell them "its ova." Do u cry, do u call ya other chick? Do you plan the wk end or nxt day out? I mean wen eva I broken up wit someone I usually sit n the house 4 awile bc I feel wrong n it really hurts me. Wen u stop being in luv with someone who still has feelings for u how does it feel? Do u wake up 1 day n think "damn Jakia just aint touchin my heart the way i used to?" I sometimes think about my x wen I talk about this bc even after we were broken up would spend the night at his house, did he wake up n the middle of the night n look at me like "why is this bitch still at my house?" Did he want 2 other girls n i was blocking? n there i was sound asleep thiking that this man still loved me and wanted to be wit me. Thats y luv is soooo funny. One day ur happy n planning to do things n go places n the nxt day u cant even stand to look or even talk 2 each other. Why waste time with luv I want 2 say. But then I think of the beautiful times that love allowed for me to have. The trips to the beach at night watching the water n listening 2 the waves. We would hold hands with the radio on and jus chill not b sexual at all! We would jus enjoy each others company. Or even after sex u would go n get my glass of water (lmao) n then u would get n bed n bring me closer n we would cuddle until i feel asleep. I remember times wen i would have a bad dream n u would bring me closer 2 u n tell me that everything was ok n that u had me n that u would nvr let nething or ne 1 hurt me, but i guess u didnt include ur self n that statement! Well, these r times that I love luv 4. the sweetness, the sugar, the smile, n the cuddle. I luv luv 4 all of that but i hate it 4 everything after that. I guess i have a luv hate relationship with luv. maybe the only thing 2 do is 2 fall bakk n luv so i can have better times!

stREEt liGHts

Yea its another kanye songs but I like it n i dnt care wat no one has 2 say, lol. But I been going through alot since my bday. It seems like wen i turned a yr older i got a yr worth of bad news and bad things happen to me. It has ben really hard, but guess wat the moments have passed and the events as well. Because of these things happening to me I am a stronger person. Now i do have to give credit to my best friends (better known as the cheetah girls, also known as my wife and my mistress lmao). The have been there for me and supported me and sat right nxt 2 me as the shit was going down. They even helped me move outta one place n n2 another. They were there wen i was being blamed for shit I didnt do and even wen i was gettin messages frm a very dirty person. But like kanye song say those moments go by so fast just like being in a car and seeing strret lights pass on the streets. Its like moments n time passing you by. Damn that go hard. I was in the car the other day looking out the window on the interstate and it all clicked. There they were all the bad moments passing me and there I was leaving them behind me never to see them again. They are moments in my life.......street lights on the highway of my life! After I pass those lights I will come up to new and ones n this time they will be brighter and maybe I'll slow down so I can actually admire them!!!

Not a baby MOMA wit DRAMA

It has come to my attention that a certian person has got their account hacked into and this certian person and the ppl they assoc. theirselves wit feel like it is me. Now I don't understand 1 how i can b blamed for a situation like this when I dont kno ne accounts passwords and I didnt make ne of these accounts up. I know no 1 will believe me but wat eva. for the pass couple of wks I have ben tagged to notes and sent messages frm this person thinkin that it is the father of my child tryin 2 hurt my feelings, but I realized a couplde of days ago, like why wouuld he do that n we barely even talk, well we dnt talk at all, but still that is a little strange. Then 2day I am woken out of my sleep by a text alert on my phone frm my myspace. I did write him a message on myspace asking about fb and guess wat ladies and gentlemen this bitch has the nerve to write me bakk. NOW I am angry ok. It takes alot for me 2 get pissed off bc I dnt really pay attention to him and the women that he keep ne more, but this bitch is crossing the line. Now obviously, me n him will nvr get bakk 2gether, n i am not worried about him bc after april we will b doing things the right way, but damn can I get a fucking rest. Now i kno im the baby momma n should b a target but if we dnt talk how the fukk u gon digg through old shit cum up wit my name and jus start assuming u kno shit about me? u dnt kno me, yes im quite but this is by choice. Im not his girl no more so why should i make noise about him? none of these girls do nething 2 me or my baby and the ones who say shit 2 me i say shit bakk. so MISS imma hack in2 his account 2 get bakk at him, guess wat? u stupid he dnt want u no more obviously n he done moved on to the nxt 1. if you really did ur research u would have read wen i said that a VERY long time ago. Once he done he move on to the nxt 1 (LMAO didnt mean to make that rhyme). but REAL TALK if i find out who u r n u live newhere near me I will have a few chice things to say 2 u n really dnt let me see ur ass n the street bc this shit is crazy. I told jermaine to stop messing wit these young girls n u gotta b young 2 do this shit. 2 have the time 2 do this shit. 2 even figure out how 2 do this shit. I mean really this shit is crazy. I dnt even understand how u did this shit, but fa real fa real, dnt let me find out who u r bc despite the fact that i dnt like his other bitchz i think i will tell them who u r n let them fight ya ass........but really crazy stalker bitch leave me the fukk alone!

something 4 me....

Sometimes in life you have to encourage yourself. You have to be your own inspiration. Well, for me I fell lucky, I have a beautiful baby girl that inspires me and makes me feel like I have to be better.But sometimes in life we forget wat we have and the we sometimes lose the will to put up the fight. I feel like I lost that. Not in my career or with school but with luv. I feel like I let someone hurt me soooo bad and put me through sooooo much pain that I just sat bakk and was like fuck it, I dont need love. I dont need a man in my life again ever. For the past year and change I have been telling my friends and even my family that I'm going to be single forever. I felt like I would never be a happily married woman. And no it was not because I think I would be a bad wife, because believe or not at the young age of 23 I act more like a wife (even though I have a man nor a ring lol) then actual married woman act.
I mean on sum straight G shit all I do is work, go to school, and take care of my daughter during the week days. Yes, I do have friends but not that many and they do come over from time to time. But usually we watch movies n drink wine. Sometime we smoke, but thats all we do. On sum real shit we do gf things without realizing it. Wen we do go out on the wk end we usually leave the club early LMAO. I mean really this is us and wat we do and we have fun doing things OUR way bc we have fun.
Yea but basically, I have given up on luv and even relationships in general.......I even was ok with the fact of not having sex again. LOL I know it sounds really weird and strange, but let me explain something to you. I am a weirdo..point blank. I am a dork, nerd, wat eva you want to call me. I accept that bc I know its true. Because of my weirdness I am very upfront and honest with myself and others. I feel like I shouldn't be having casual sex. That was for my younger years and I didnt really do it then so I WON'T be doing it now. So if i feel like I'm going to be single forever that means I will be sexless forever....get the picture? lol, but you know today I realized something, believe it or not in church, me believing that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life cannot be true. Maybe I'm single because I believe I will be single. I mean you know how people percieve wat you let them see about you....well maybe wen people look at me (whether they find me attractive or not) they see a girl who maybe in a relationship...or a girl that is not really to friendly (im told i look mean if im by myself LMAO) or a girl who is just not approachable.
Well, I feel like so many good things have happened to me in the past few days that maybe I am changing. Now I'm not saying that the nxt person I talk to will be the love of my life or even a love of mine at all, but he will help to build a bridge for me. He will help to open the doors that I have under lock and key. And I know that he will help the next brother out in moving past the shit that I got blocking my heart. And if he is the one that I do fall in love with.....i know that we have some good times ahead of us and maybe even some bad times. But I will cherish the good that we will have because I have been through alot of pain. So sir whoever you are I want to thank you in advance for helping me out. I am a lil shy, and it is hard for me to trust guys, but once you have my love and my trust.......I will honor and cherish you.....and like I said I'm a good gf (wifey type u feel me LOL) as long as you are a good bf, but wat ever you give me expect to get the same and return. O yes I must point out that this is not to any specific guy that I know I am talkin n general so dont get NE ideas behind this LOL....unless u want me 2 b ur wifey LMAO....and like the pastor told the church 2day......the season is ending and another 1 is beginning..........."summer is ova" (nakia's quote! thanks boo)

sitting here thinking

about the past. You know the past is a crazy thing. Even though there maybe many things in the past that we may regret EVERYTHING, and I do mean everything ladies n gentlemen, makes us who we are. Now in my case there are things about myself that I hate. I blame the past for these things. Like, for instance, it is very hard for me to trust what guys say out their mouth. I mean I really want to, but my ex hurt me so bad that he basically ruined it for every other person I try to get with, or even try and get with me. Its crazy how that works. Now I'm sitting here thinking that every guy that I ever talk to will be a liar and cheater because I had bad experiences. The past is what makes us and shapes us. Even though there are things I hate there are also things I love. I love the fact that I have very high standards for people I date. I am a strong believer in chivlry and jsut being sweet. I do thank my ex for that because regardless of the situation he usually was a gentlemen.
I mean I'm like most girls. I love love point blank. I love being in love and having that significant other to count on and trust in. It's just really hard to find a person that is on the same level as you are. I really truely believe that there is smebody out there for everybody, but maybe God forgot to make my special somebody. Maybe I'm destined to be a single woman forever. Maybe i should be with my daughter forever just us two until she finds her husband. Then I will get a dog lol to take care of and occupy my time.

AnotHeR DaY!!!

You know I say that I right about luv but tonight its gonna be a little different. I have been a little depressed lately and alot of that has to do with our economy. I know, I know people are tired of hearing about politics, but I just want to put my 2cent in. I was working at a job for a good amount of time and for the most part of loved it. Yea, the pay was not that great, but guess what I made enough money to pay my bills and also had money left over to shop a little. I just feel like since I been hearing about the recession it has been hitting me personally. I mean I went from living on my own, going to school, and working a steady job to jobless, living with my mom, and potentially having to quit school. Its crazy!! literally I am contemplating selling crack (j/p) or joining the damn military. N I hate the motherfukking military (this is a true statement)!!! It jus seem like a lot of the peole around me are feeling the same way. There are no jobs to bne given for those who are qualified. I am sitting here right now in my junior year of college wioth literally years of customer service and retail experience under my belt and I cannot find ! job. Thats crazy. I have a child to provide for and this is what I have to go through. I mean life should not have to be this hard for people that are trying to do the right thing and gt things accomplished!! but yea had to vent a little....2moro dont worry I will go bakk to talking about love.....and ifyou need advice ask n you shall recieve!!

hEartLeSs

I must first point out that Kanye West is my favorite rapper. If you like him YES and if you dont well thats your opinion. Heartless is one of my favorite tracks on the 808 album that really hit me close to my heart. For those who dont know I'll run it down real quick: he dated a girl that he been through mad shit with and they are basically going through a break up. She acting crazy and so is he. He basically asking her how could she act this way towards him after all they been through. After all this he still love her and even though he put on this fasade he still really cares for her, and he knows that she still loves him. Ok so I really feel this song. I feel both ends of the spectrum. Like, I feel the girl. How you gone act up nigga and then expect me to be the same old me. You want me to be the same person I was yesterday. No I am not. I will not treat the same because I don't even look at you the same. I am heartless.......I dont have a heart and I want you to know it. I want you to be mad and pissed and I even want you to cry at night because thats wat I did, you feel me. So how are you gone be upset that I'm acting different after "all we been through." Negro please.

Then, I do understand his side. I know I messed up, but thats "the old me." I'm a different person now. I can be the person you want me to be if you just give me a chance. How you not just gone give me a last chance? Thats crazy, you suppose to love me. You suppose to be my baby, my love. We suppose to grow old together and have 5 kids and live the AMerican Dream! but then you wanna act crazy! how you gone act brand now?? but yea.....its crazy. love is like that. When you think that you love a person and then they just do you so wrong and then when you give up on them they get mad at you. I say that about myself alot that I'm heartless......

let me introduce u 2 me.......

Hello all! my name is Jakia and yes I am a blogger. I frequently blog on myspace and figured that I should maybe join an actual bloggin website. I am a hopeless romantic and I love everything about love. I am a psy major and sometimes feel like I want to be a couples therapist. Maybe 1 day. My blogs will probably be about luv and relationships. I will talk about mine and others. Please enjoy and if you have any questions just let me know!!!!!!