luv is soooo very funny

I wonder how does it feel 2 literally break someones heart? How do you feel in the end wen u get off the phone with the person you have dated for more then a yr n tell them "its ova." Do u cry, do u call ya other chick? Do you plan the wk end or nxt day out? I mean wen eva I broken up wit someone I usually sit n the house 4 awile bc I feel wrong n it really hurts me. Wen u stop being in luv with someone who still has feelings for u how does it feel? Do u wake up 1 day n think "damn Jakia just aint touchin my heart the way i used to?" I sometimes think about my x wen I talk about this bc even after we were broken up would spend the night at his house, did he wake up n the middle of the night n look at me like "why is this bitch still at my house?" Did he want 2 other girls n i was blocking? n there i was sound asleep thiking that this man still loved me and wanted to be wit me. Thats y luv is soooo funny. One day ur happy n planning to do things n go places n the nxt day u cant even stand to look or even talk 2 each other. Why waste time with luv I want 2 say. But then I think of the beautiful times that love allowed for me to have. The trips to the beach at night watching the water n listening 2 the waves. We would hold hands with the radio on and jus chill not b sexual at all! We would jus enjoy each others company. Or even after sex u would go n get my glass of water (lmao) n then u would get n bed n bring me closer n we would cuddle until i feel asleep. I remember times wen i would have a bad dream n u would bring me closer 2 u n tell me that everything was ok n that u had me n that u would nvr let nething or ne 1 hurt me, but i guess u didnt include ur self n that statement! Well, these r times that I love luv 4. the sweetness, the sugar, the smile, n the cuddle. I luv luv 4 all of that but i hate it 4 everything after that. I guess i have a luv hate relationship with luv. maybe the only thing 2 do is 2 fall bakk n luv so i can have better times!

sitting here thinking

about the past. You know the past is a crazy thing. Even though there maybe many things in the past that we may regret EVERYTHING, and I do mean everything ladies n gentlemen, makes us who we are. Now in my case there are things about myself that I hate. I blame the past for these things. Like, for instance, it is very hard for me to trust what guys say out their mouth. I mean I really want to, but my ex hurt me so bad that he basically ruined it for every other person I try to get with, or even try and get with me. Its crazy how that works. Now I'm sitting here thinking that every guy that I ever talk to will be a liar and cheater because I had bad experiences. The past is what makes us and shapes us. Even though there are things I hate there are also things I love. I love the fact that I have very high standards for people I date. I am a strong believer in chivlry and jsut being sweet. I do thank my ex for that because regardless of the situation he usually was a gentlemen.
I mean I'm like most girls. I love love point blank. I love being in love and having that significant other to count on and trust in. It's just really hard to find a person that is on the same level as you are. I really truely believe that there is smebody out there for everybody, but maybe God forgot to make my special somebody. Maybe I'm destined to be a single woman forever. Maybe i should be with my daughter forever just us two until she finds her husband. Then I will get a dog lol to take care of and occupy my time.