N i wonder.....

No matter how hard i try i cant get outta of this thing im n. Ok so i kno i been sayin im ready 4 the nxt person 2 cum n2 my life but it seem like he not gon cum. Ok yea i kinda talk 2 ppl, but not really. Like i text ppl frm time 2 time. They act like they r tryin 3 get personal n shit but it nvr make it past textin. so im thinking 2 myself, is itme? am i pushing these ppl away bc deep dwn nside i have my luv locked dwn 4 some1 else n im waitin or him. I really, really hope this not the case. i dnt wanna wait 4 him no more, but it seem like the harder i try 2 not think of him n move on the harder it is 4 me 2 even meet somebody. N then most men that approach me 2day r interested n casual sex n that is a no no 4 me. I am not a person who casually has sex with a person i kno. I mean i have tried 2 convince n tell myself that the nxt time i do have sex it will b with a person that i am n a relationship with. i mean a rela relationship. Some1 that i call my man, my mister, my bf, wat eva i will b callin him. That will b the person i will b givin the cookies 2, but i mean if no 1 wants 2 take that position then does that mean i will b waitin another 6months b4 i have sex? b4 i fall n luv? I jus wonder wen its gonna b sometimes. i mean i have ben single 4 almost 3 yrs now, lol yup 2 n 1/2 u might as well say. How long do i have 2 wait 2 find someine special. No one klnows how hard this is...no one...bc no one has gone through the shit i have gone through...smh...jus another day n my life i guess~