something 4 me....

Sometimes in life you have to encourage yourself. You have to be your own inspiration. Well, for me I fell lucky, I have a beautiful baby girl that inspires me and makes me feel like I have to be better.But sometimes in life we forget wat we have and the we sometimes lose the will to put up the fight. I feel like I lost that. Not in my career or with school but with luv. I feel like I let someone hurt me soooo bad and put me through sooooo much pain that I just sat bakk and was like fuck it, I dont need love. I dont need a man in my life again ever. For the past year and change I have been telling my friends and even my family that I'm going to be single forever. I felt like I would never be a happily married woman. And no it was not because I think I would be a bad wife, because believe or not at the young age of 23 I act more like a wife (even though I have a man nor a ring lol) then actual married woman act.
I mean on sum straight G shit all I do is work, go to school, and take care of my daughter during the week days. Yes, I do have friends but not that many and they do come over from time to time. But usually we watch movies n drink wine. Sometime we smoke, but thats all we do. On sum real shit we do gf things without realizing it. Wen we do go out on the wk end we usually leave the club early LMAO. I mean really this is us and wat we do and we have fun doing things OUR way bc we have fun.
Yea but basically, I have given up on luv and even relationships in general.......I even was ok with the fact of not having sex again. LOL I know it sounds really weird and strange, but let me explain something to you. I am a weirdo..point blank. I am a dork, nerd, wat eva you want to call me. I accept that bc I know its true. Because of my weirdness I am very upfront and honest with myself and others. I feel like I shouldn't be having casual sex. That was for my younger years and I didnt really do it then so I WON'T be doing it now. So if i feel like I'm going to be single forever that means I will be sexless forever....get the picture? lol, but you know today I realized something, believe it or not in church, me believing that God wants me to be alone for the rest of my life cannot be true. Maybe I'm single because I believe I will be single. I mean you know how people percieve wat you let them see about you....well maybe wen people look at me (whether they find me attractive or not) they see a girl who maybe in a relationship...or a girl that is not really to friendly (im told i look mean if im by myself LMAO) or a girl who is just not approachable.
Well, I feel like so many good things have happened to me in the past few days that maybe I am changing. Now I'm not saying that the nxt person I talk to will be the love of my life or even a love of mine at all, but he will help to build a bridge for me. He will help to open the doors that I have under lock and key. And I know that he will help the next brother out in moving past the shit that I got blocking my heart. And if he is the one that I do fall in love with.....i know that we have some good times ahead of us and maybe even some bad times. But I will cherish the good that we will have because I have been through alot of pain. So sir whoever you are I want to thank you in advance for helping me out. I am a lil shy, and it is hard for me to trust guys, but once you have my love and my trust.......I will honor and cherish you.....and like I said I'm a good gf (wifey type u feel me LOL) as long as you are a good bf, but wat ever you give me expect to get the same and return. O yes I must point out that this is not to any specific guy that I know I am talkin n general so dont get NE ideas behind this LOL....unless u want me 2 b ur wifey LMAO....and like the pastor told the church 2day......the season is ending and another 1 is beginning..........."summer is ova" (nakia's quote! thanks boo)