N i wonder.....

No matter how hard i try i cant get outta of this thing im n. Ok so i kno i been sayin im ready 4 the nxt person 2 cum n2 my life but it seem like he not gon cum. Ok yea i kinda talk 2 ppl, but not really. Like i text ppl frm time 2 time. They act like they r tryin 3 get personal n shit but it nvr make it past textin. so im thinking 2 myself, is itme? am i pushing these ppl away bc deep dwn nside i have my luv locked dwn 4 some1 else n im waitin or him. I really, really hope this not the case. i dnt wanna wait 4 him no more, but it seem like the harder i try 2 not think of him n move on the harder it is 4 me 2 even meet somebody. N then most men that approach me 2day r interested n casual sex n that is a no no 4 me. I am not a person who casually has sex with a person i kno. I mean i have tried 2 convince n tell myself that the nxt time i do have sex it will b with a person that i am n a relationship with. i mean a rela relationship. Some1 that i call my man, my mister, my bf, wat eva i will b callin him. That will b the person i will b givin the cookies 2, but i mean if no 1 wants 2 take that position then does that mean i will b waitin another 6months b4 i have sex? b4 i fall n luv? I jus wonder wen its gonna b sometimes. i mean i have ben single 4 almost 3 yrs now, lol yup 2 n 1/2 u might as well say. How long do i have 2 wait 2 find someine special. No one klnows how hard this is...no one...bc no one has gone through the shit i have gone through...smh...jus another day n my life i guess~

not lookin

They say that if you want 2 find a significant other that u must not look 4 1, that u r suppose 2 keep urself busy. THIS is very hard 2 do. I must admit that yes I am looking, but i must admit that this is a hard thing 2 do. I mean 4 one I am a picky individual. I have even ben told that i am high maitenince. I do not agree. I just really believen chivlry n that a man is suppose 2 pick u up n pay 4 shit. I believe n the whole open the doors and all that good stuff. I mean im not a gold digger bc I dnt want u payin 4 me 2 live but if we go on a date y cant u pay 10 for a damn movie ticket? but yea ne way I am picky. I do not give everyone my number bc if u look crazy u probably r lol. N then if i do give u my number n u gotta b careful wat u say boo bc im the type of bitch that will cut u off 4 sayin 1 wrong thing. I kno thats crazy but i am a psychology major n i feel that i analyze ppl n if u do not pass the analysis then u r not the 1 for me! But on the other hand I do want somebody 2 fill this void I have. I want some1 i can introduce 2 the fam n the cheetah girls n someone i can laugh with n talk 2. SOmeone I can introduce my daughter 2 n go on dates n make me as hapy as i make them. A prince charming, n no they do not have 2 b perfect bc NO ONE n this world is perfect but mayb they can b the perfect person 4 me.........mayb God created them jus 4 me, n me jus 4 them. Maybe we were meant 2 b 2gether! Iono i jus feel a certian kinda way about the ppl that I meet n that do try 2 take it there with me. I feel like 95 percent of guys lie or cheat n there is only that small 5 percent that dnt, but of that 5 percent 3 percent are taken. So that leaves us single girls with a small 2 percent, then u have 2 think about it there is a biger percent of girls n this world then there r guys......so u c y i have given up on luv? See y i say imma b single 4eva? Its bc i only have a small 2 percent of the male speices 2 compete for n me i am not 1 to compete. Dnt get it twisted wen i do go out i do look fly, but im not the girl thats gonna cum up 2 u n b like "i saw u lookin at me frm across the rm." N y do u ask do i not do that bc again i believe n chivlry n if a guy thinks im attractive n steps 2 me correct guess wat? he will walk away with a name n seven digits lol.
I just think that i will b wasting my time if i approach a guy, its weird 2 me. I can c u everyday doing the same thing n feel like u r the best lookin nigga i have ever seen. u can give me the cum hither look n guess wat i will smile at u n talk about u 2 my friends but I WILL not cum hother n ask 4 ur number. Mayb it stems frm me being shy? iono but the only person Ihave EVER approached n my life was the father of my child n u see eventually that did not work out. So i figure that maybe me approachin a man is not a good look! lol yea but ne way outtie lol

luv is soooo very funny

I wonder how does it feel 2 literally break someones heart? How do you feel in the end wen u get off the phone with the person you have dated for more then a yr n tell them "its ova." Do u cry, do u call ya other chick? Do you plan the wk end or nxt day out? I mean wen eva I broken up wit someone I usually sit n the house 4 awile bc I feel wrong n it really hurts me. Wen u stop being in luv with someone who still has feelings for u how does it feel? Do u wake up 1 day n think "damn Jakia just aint touchin my heart the way i used to?" I sometimes think about my x wen I talk about this bc even after we were broken up would spend the night at his house, did he wake up n the middle of the night n look at me like "why is this bitch still at my house?" Did he want 2 other girls n i was blocking? n there i was sound asleep thiking that this man still loved me and wanted to be wit me. Thats y luv is soooo funny. One day ur happy n planning to do things n go places n the nxt day u cant even stand to look or even talk 2 each other. Why waste time with luv I want 2 say. But then I think of the beautiful times that love allowed for me to have. The trips to the beach at night watching the water n listening 2 the waves. We would hold hands with the radio on and jus chill not b sexual at all! We would jus enjoy each others company. Or even after sex u would go n get my glass of water (lmao) n then u would get n bed n bring me closer n we would cuddle until i feel asleep. I remember times wen i would have a bad dream n u would bring me closer 2 u n tell me that everything was ok n that u had me n that u would nvr let nething or ne 1 hurt me, but i guess u didnt include ur self n that statement! Well, these r times that I love luv 4. the sweetness, the sugar, the smile, n the cuddle. I luv luv 4 all of that but i hate it 4 everything after that. I guess i have a luv hate relationship with luv. maybe the only thing 2 do is 2 fall bakk n luv so i can have better times!

stREEt liGHts

Yea its another kanye songs but I like it n i dnt care wat no one has 2 say, lol. But I been going through alot since my bday. It seems like wen i turned a yr older i got a yr worth of bad news and bad things happen to me. It has ben really hard, but guess wat the moments have passed and the events as well. Because of these things happening to me I am a stronger person. Now i do have to give credit to my best friends (better known as the cheetah girls, also known as my wife and my mistress lmao). The have been there for me and supported me and sat right nxt 2 me as the shit was going down. They even helped me move outta one place n n2 another. They were there wen i was being blamed for shit I didnt do and even wen i was gettin messages frm a very dirty person. But like kanye song say those moments go by so fast just like being in a car and seeing strret lights pass on the streets. Its like moments n time passing you by. Damn that go hard. I was in the car the other day looking out the window on the interstate and it all clicked. There they were all the bad moments passing me and there I was leaving them behind me never to see them again. They are moments in my life.......street lights on the highway of my life! After I pass those lights I will come up to new and ones n this time they will be brighter and maybe I'll slow down so I can actually admire them!!!

Not a baby MOMA wit DRAMA

It has come to my attention that a certian person has got their account hacked into and this certian person and the ppl they assoc. theirselves wit feel like it is me. Now I don't understand 1 how i can b blamed for a situation like this when I dont kno ne accounts passwords and I didnt make ne of these accounts up. I know no 1 will believe me but wat eva. for the pass couple of wks I have ben tagged to notes and sent messages frm this person thinkin that it is the father of my child tryin 2 hurt my feelings, but I realized a couplde of days ago, like why wouuld he do that n we barely even talk, well we dnt talk at all, but still that is a little strange. Then 2day I am woken out of my sleep by a text alert on my phone frm my myspace. I did write him a message on myspace asking about fb and guess wat ladies and gentlemen this bitch has the nerve to write me bakk. NOW I am angry ok. It takes alot for me 2 get pissed off bc I dnt really pay attention to him and the women that he keep ne more, but this bitch is crossing the line. Now obviously, me n him will nvr get bakk 2gether, n i am not worried about him bc after april we will b doing things the right way, but damn can I get a fucking rest. Now i kno im the baby momma n should b a target but if we dnt talk how the fukk u gon digg through old shit cum up wit my name and jus start assuming u kno shit about me? u dnt kno me, yes im quite but this is by choice. Im not his girl no more so why should i make noise about him? none of these girls do nething 2 me or my baby and the ones who say shit 2 me i say shit bakk. so MISS imma hack in2 his account 2 get bakk at him, guess wat? u stupid he dnt want u no more obviously n he done moved on to the nxt 1. if you really did ur research u would have read wen i said that a VERY long time ago. Once he done he move on to the nxt 1 (LMAO didnt mean to make that rhyme). but REAL TALK if i find out who u r n u live newhere near me I will have a few chice things to say 2 u n really dnt let me see ur ass n the street bc this shit is crazy. I told jermaine to stop messing wit these young girls n u gotta b young 2 do this shit. 2 have the time 2 do this shit. 2 even figure out how 2 do this shit. I mean really this shit is crazy. I dnt even understand how u did this shit, but fa real fa real, dnt let me find out who u r bc despite the fact that i dnt like his other bitchz i think i will tell them who u r n let them fight ya ass........but really crazy stalker bitch leave me the fukk alone!